-The world was asleep. I was already listening to myself.-

Good evening, dear readers.

I’m writing my Day 14 a bit later than usual, but that’s okay — this is my diary, and it doesn’t have a schedule.

Today was a very intense day. Today was one of those days when my alarm goes off at 4 a.m. If you’ve been following along, you already know what that means: early shift at work.

Waking up early is becoming something I love and something essential for me. Even when I have to go to work early, I still need my routine. I spent the first hour between meditation, reading, and journaling. I love the feeling of being awake while the rest of the world is still sleeping. There’s something beautiful about being the only one awake — no noise, no lights, no people, just deep silence.

Meditating early in the morning, without thinking about anything and without even hearing the buzz of a fly, brings me peace. I’m trying to practice meditation not to calm myself down or for any specific purpose, but simply to become aware of my body and of who I am. For the past two days, meditating right after waking up has also helped me remember my dreams.

Today wasn’t one of those days. I remembered something, but it was all fragmented, and I didn’t get the chance to fully write it down.

As every day, I dominated my caffeine dependency by allowing myself only one coffee, right before training at the gym. I’m very proud of this. Recognizing and being able to control a dependency I’ve carried with me my whole life shows me how strong I am and how much I’m capable of.

I’m trying to apply the advice from the book The Law of Attraction, but I admit I’m struggling. I know we’re supposed to think about what we want to attract into our lives, to keep positive thoughts, and to be aware of what we say — because even the things we don’t want, we end up attracting if we focus on them.

One thing I really want to improve is thinking positively and directing my energy only toward what I want to attract, allowing myself to feel emotions only when my thoughts are positive. But I’ll be honest: it’s not easy at all. I have many negative thoughts during the day, especially at work, and especially when I’m alone and start questioning the direction of my life.

And this is where the second piece of advice comes in: at the beginning, negative thoughts are normal. They’ll always be there. What matters is becoming aware of them and trying to replace them, guiding them toward what we want to attract. It’s up to me to direct my thoughts. I’m not fully there yet, but I want to get there.

I don’t want to waste my energy on values or situations I don’t want in my life. I want to feel joy when I give attention to my thoughts. I will get there. I am strong.

Today at work wasn’t easy. Every time I step into that place, even though I try to see the positive side of everything, I ask myself why I’m still there. When I think about my job, and when I’m actually there, I feel negative emotions. The same happens with colleagues — gossiping, judging others — these are things I’m trying to avoid. Not only because I want to express kindness and goodness toward everyone, but because they create inner discomfort.

I’m trying to become the best version of myself. I can’t lose myself in these things. I want to be a good person toward everyone, without judgment and without speaking badly about others. And it’s not easy. When you’ve been used to certain behaviors for years, trying to step out of them means falling back sometimes. It takes a lot of energy to get out of this bubble, but I know I can do it.

Me, Matteo, must direct my energy toward positive things.

This afternoon I had a great running session, and I enjoyed every single moment of sweat and fatigue. This feeling is becoming addictive. Even though I run the same route every day, I love running — but I love running consciously. I love being present in what I’m doing, even smiling while I’m struggling.

Training makes me happy, and I want to congratulate myself for completing two good training sessions today.

I want to end this evening by expressing gratitude to God — for waking me up again today, for the privilege of being alive and healthy. Thank you. Thank you for my health, thank you for my family, and for the ability to eat every day.

Now I want to enjoy this evening with a good book, to dream beautiful things, and hopefully remember them tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow another workday awaits me. I’ll try to see the good in everything, not judge others, live in the present moment, and enjoy my existence and my day by expressing gratitude even for the small things.

Have a good evening, dear readers.
From Matteo and his cup of green tea.
See you tomorrow.