matteoraschini

-Today I felt the weight of a system that doesn’t represent who I am, and the struggle of trying to endure it.-

Good evening, dear readers.
Another lap, another run.

As you already know, I’m going through a period where I’m working from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m., and it’s really putting me to the test. I’m struggling to accept this schedule, because it takes away the inner peace I try so hard to protect. For me, working like this feels like being a hamster running endlessly on a wheel, chasing days and waiting for the weekend to arrive. I’m not someone who can tolerate this kind of routine. I feel deprived of my time, the only thing that truly matters to me.

This is not about money. It’s not about power. It’s about time.
The ability to manage and organize my own time is essential to me, and working like this makes me feel like a slave to a system. A system built on consumerism and envy, run by people whose only interest is power. I want out of this system. I’m not made for this.

Even though I keep going and try to be grateful for what I have, this situation is slowly eating me from the inside. Every morning I start my day at 5:30, even though work starts at 7. Having a morning routine where I can prioritize my well-being through meditation, writing, and reading matters more to me than anything else. I’ve reached a point where I feel like I can’t tolerate much more.

Before, with my old shifts, I felt like I had control over my life. Now I feel like I’m part of a system I don’t belong to. I used to feel this way before too, but now it’s much stronger, much louder. Every morning I try to reassure myself, telling myself that everything will be fine, that I should smile and be happy, that I should attract positive feelings. But I can’t find the strength to truly let those emotions in.

I’m questioning everything. Absolutely everything. I try to find something positive, but it’s really hard. Why do I have to be a slave to a system that doesn’t represent me? Why do I have so many ideas, yet I don’t feel strong enough to pursue them? It feels like a powerful resistance is pressing down on me. I know what I want to create in my life, but I lack the energy to act. I feel apathetic, like my inner fire is dimmed.

I know this is on me. I know I’m the one who has to light that fire again. I need to reconnect with the strength I had as a child, to allow myself to dream, to imagine, to create my own reality. I know, Matteo. I know. It’s up to me. Only me.

I want to attract joy and motivation to pursue my projects. I truly want it. I want to create my own reality. I don’t want to be tied to a social system based on values that don’t reflect who I am.

Despite everything, today I had a good workout. I ran 15 km. At first it was against my will, but after two or three kilometers my legs took over. My mind shut off completely. My legs just kept going, step after step, until the timer stopped. And in that moment, I felt myself being pulled back into a world that doesn’t belong to me.

I run to disconnect from all of this. I run to enter my own reality, where there’s no space for negative thoughts, only effort, sweat, and resilience. Running far. Running fast. As far as possible.

Today I also spent some time with my dad, and that meant a lot to me. It had been a while since we spent time together, just the two of us, outside of running. Sometimes I enjoy being with him, even though most of the time I shut myself in my room, lost in my thoughts and my books.

Tomorrow is another day. I’ll try to make it better than today… or at least I’ll try. But I want to succeed. I don’t want to spend my life complaining about conditions I put myself in. That means I need to allow myself to be happy, calm, and kind. But I have to truly want it.

Good evening, dear readers.
See you tomorrow.

-Before fear, routines, and expectations, there was a child inside me who knew what freedom felt like.-

Good evening, dear readers.
Today was a calm day, but my mood feels very flat.

Inside myself, today I tried to convince myself that I should see the positive sides of working the 7–3 shift. Things like having weekends off, or being able to sleep better, without the confusion of night shifts. I tried all day to see the good in it, but I’m not really succeeding.

I finish my shift feeling tired. Even if the workload isn’t heavy, I feel exhausted. Physically and mentally. I feel trapped in that bubble of ordinariness that most people are used to.
I can’t do it.

I feel like I have no time. Like a hamster wheel trying to swallow me. I don’t feel comfortable doing this job with this schedule, and what troubles me the most is not knowing how long this will last.

I can’t find time for myself. Time to go grocery shopping at the market. Time to organize my days the way I like, giving space to my goals. I can’t. Time moves too fast, and I only have 24 hours.

Today I didn’t work on my goals at all. And now I’m here, tonight, writing this post after a full day spent outside the house.
I’m exhausted. I feel worn out.

I always try to find happiness and joy, but today it’s hard. Very hard.

When I finished work today, for the first time in my life — something that has never happened — I didn’t feel like running. I had zero motivation to go out and do my 12 km run. I felt overwhelmed by a sense of sadness and melancholy.

My legs and my mind kept telling me:
“Don’t go. Don’t go. You don’t feel like it. Rest.”

But deep down, I knew what the right thing was.
Run.
Put on my shoes.
Shut everything out.
And run.

Move my legs even against my will, step by step, until I finished my 12 km.

Now I’m here, in front of the screen.
I’m sad. I’m tired. And I feel like I don’t belong to all this.

Unfortunately, this is how I am. I endure. I endure. I keep everything inside. And the moment will come when I won’t be able to hold it anymore — and I’ll explode.
I’m a bit scared. I don’t know how I’ll get out of this situation.

I have such a strong hunger and desire to work on my goals that it makes me feel melancholic just thinking that I need to make decisions. Decisions like taking everything, packing my bags, and leaving.

I need to live.
I need air.
I need to work on what I was born to do — on what the inner child inside me knows is right.

For years now, I’ve been ignoring that child. I’ve been silencing his voice. I’ve been suffocating him.

I want to free myself from everything that doesn’t make me feel good, and give priority to that inner self who knows what I truly want.

I know it. I’m just surviving here.

I’m not able to cut the cord yet. It’s been almost three years now — two of them spent enduring and accumulating everything inside. But honestly, I’m reaching my limit.

Now, with the day shift, this feeling is getting even stronger. Before, I was surviving somehow, still managing to carve out time for myself and my goals. Now there’s no escape.

I’m a hamster running non-stop inside a wheel.

Tick tock. Tick tock.
Time flies.

I barely finish work, train, and it’s already time to sleep.
Time is tight.
Time is running.

Decision.
Action.
Freedom.

See you tomorrow, dear readers.
Tomorrow will be another day where I’ll try to smile, despite everything.

See you tomorrow.

-Sunday night reflections. Looking back at the highs, the lows, and everything this week has taught me.-

Good evening and happy Sunday, dear readers.
And as every Sunday, let’s start this quiet evening by looking back at the week.
Ready? Let’s begin.

This week had its ups and downs. There were days when I let myself go a little more, and others when I held on stronger. At times I was swallowed by sadness and melancholy. So many thoughts. Thoughts about wanting to reach many goals, and then falling into sadness because I feel like I’m not strong enough to start. Or because I think everything must be done perfectly, when the real perfection is simply starting.
I acknowledge that.

But surprisingly, despite all this, there were many positive things.
Before giving voice to my thoughts, let’s look at the weekly stats.

This week my average sleep score was 85, with an average of 7 hours and 13 minutes of sleep per night. A bit less than last week, but I had two early work shifts from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m., with the alarm at 4 a.m. Not ideal, but manageable.

Now let’s talk about one of my biggest addictions: coffee.
This week I drank 8 coffees, with an average of one per day, and today I allowed myself two.

I completed a total of 60 minutes of meditation, with some days at 10 minutes per session and others at 5. I must admit it’s becoming my little morning ritual, together with a glass of warm water. I’m happy about that. A calm mind in the morning helps me start the day well.

I read two books: one Japanese novel, and The Law of Attraction. A very powerful book whose teachings I will definitely carry with me. At the moment, I’m also reading the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin and Flow. I’m really happy to be reading so much. Reading takes me to a world of its own: just me, the book, and emotions.

My average screen time was 2 hours and 47 minutes per day, half of last week’s average, with 44 minutes per day on Instagram. Honestly, a great result. Most of the Instagram time happened on days when I felt sad, using it to cope with melancholy by watching other people’s stories. I won’t hide that I also used it to find inspiration, looking at profiles connected to what I’d like to do in the future.

Today, January 25th, the scale shows 80.65 kg, which means –1.2 kg this week. The hard work in training and a healthy diet are paying off. I am extremely happy.
For me, the number on the scale means very little. What really matters is how I feel, how confident I am when I look at myself. Sleeping well, feeling light, breathing more easily—these small things together make me truly happy.

Another week with no binge eating episodes. I enjoyed all my meals and didn’t need to escape into food. Since I stopped tracking macros and started following a balanced diet, I feel better. I’m really glad I deleted the app last week.

I completed 10 training sessions between running and gym workouts. A great result.
Yesterday, as I told you, was race day: my first trail running race on snow. What can I say—I couldn’t have ended the week better. I finished 10th out of 400 people, and 2nd in my category. I’m incredibly happy about this achievement. It proves my training is working.

Before the race, for several days, I strongly visualized myself on the podium. The Law of Attraction works. I believe in it. I attract what I desire.

Another beautiful part of this week was seeing my friend Eddy, which made me really happy, and talking on the phone with my “brother from another blood,” Junior. I nurtured real relationships, choosing them over empty friendships. Cultivating friendships is important, but filtering them and learning to say no to relationships that drain you is just as important.

Running my first race with my parents was special.
This week I also started supporting local vendors, buying fruit, vegetables, and fresh eggs at the market. Completely different taste. I’m not going back. I want to rely more on real food and less on processed food. I started buying real bread from a local bakery, and just walking there has become a small ritual that makes me feel good. I love bakeries and interacting with the people who work there.

Today, like last Sunday, was rest day. Or better, an active rest day: 40 minutes of easy spin bike just to loosen my legs after yesterday’s race.

Today I took the day for myself. My friend Thomas and I went out for lunch. I finally enjoyed my long-awaited bowl of ramen and onigiri. After all this time, I truly earned it. It was the best reward after yesterday’s race.

In the past, after ramen, I would usually binge on ice cream and sweets at home because I considered ramen a “cheat meal.” Today, I enjoyed my ramen, my onigiri, had a snack with Greek yogurt and homemade granola—and that was enough. I’m happy.

I’m happy because since starting this challenge, I’ve learned to enjoy food without labeling it as a cheat. I want real food, not junk food. Junk food gives nothing emotionally—only addiction to sugar and excess. I want food that tells a story, food that makes me feel connected to where it comes from.

Despite the ups and downs, I realize now how small the bad days were compared to what this week truly was:
real food, real friendships, time with my parents, physical well-being, and above all mental well-being in my relationship with food.

I’m grateful to myself. I’m grateful for being healthy, for being able to enjoy meals out, and for discovering new flavors without guilt.

Thank you.
Have a wonderful evening, dear readers.
See you tomorrow.

–Some days start slower, but feel bigger inside.–

Good afternoon, dear readers.
Today is race day?!

This morning started at 7:30 a.m. I know very well that one of my main rules is waking up at 6, but last night I chose to give priority to my family. I went to my brother’s football match and got home at midnight. I know how important my morning routine is to me, but I chose what truly mattered. So this morning I woke up at 7:30 to get the right amount of sleep before today’s race.

Today I’ll take part in an easy 10 km trail with my parents. It’s the first time in my life that I’m running an actual “race,” and of course I’ll tell you later how it felt. I’ve never really considered trail running before, but honestly, it’s starting to excite me. The idea of running in nature feels beautiful — feeling free, lonely souls moving through kilometers of mountains. Freedom.

Just before writing this, I was visualizing what I want from my life, what I want to achieve. Three things came to my mind immediately: trail running, traveling, and creating videos and content. I think this is everything I need — and will need — in life. This mix belongs to my big inner cauldron. My goal is not to be the strongest trail runner, but to create content around mountain running, traveling, and running in new places, capturing nature, cities, and sport with my camera.

At the core of my thoughts, though, there are always travels. I want to travel full-time, collaborate with brands for advertising projects, and become a Sony ambassador. I know my abilities, and I know I’ll get there. All of this will take shape in my life. I think it, I feel it — and when I think about it, my emotions are alive and joyful. I think it, and I obtain it. I attract what I think. Living thoughts. Emotional thoughts.

I just need to allow all of this to enter my life. My thoughts are strong, and I’m ready to welcome what is meant for me.

Yesterday I created my actual 2026 vision board with images and powerful words, but I want to make it better. So I deleted it and started again. I want to print all my inspirations and build a real board with everything on it. In the next days, I’ll work on this project so I can have my thoughts in front of me, on paper too — to make them even clearer and stronger. I’m sure that the stronger the thought, the faster it attracts what we want.

Now I’m here, in the car, heading to Asiago, ready to live and enjoy my trail. Yes, I’m writing while in the car — but in the end, it doesn’t matter where I write. What matters is what I want to transmit.

Visualize. Strong thoughts. Attract.

Good afternoon, dear readers.