matteoraschini

-The world was asleep. I was already listening to myself.-

Good evening, dear readers.

I’m writing my Day 14 a bit later than usual, but that’s okay — this is my diary, and it doesn’t have a schedule.

Today was a very intense day. Today was one of those days when my alarm goes off at 4 a.m. If you’ve been following along, you already know what that means: early shift at work.

Waking up early is becoming something I love and something essential for me. Even when I have to go to work early, I still need my routine. I spent the first hour between meditation, reading, and journaling. I love the feeling of being awake while the rest of the world is still sleeping. There’s something beautiful about being the only one awake — no noise, no lights, no people, just deep silence.

Meditating early in the morning, without thinking about anything and without even hearing the buzz of a fly, brings me peace. I’m trying to practice meditation not to calm myself down or for any specific purpose, but simply to become aware of my body and of who I am. For the past two days, meditating right after waking up has also helped me remember my dreams.

Today wasn’t one of those days. I remembered something, but it was all fragmented, and I didn’t get the chance to fully write it down.

As every day, I dominated my caffeine dependency by allowing myself only one coffee, right before training at the gym. I’m very proud of this. Recognizing and being able to control a dependency I’ve carried with me my whole life shows me how strong I am and how much I’m capable of.

I’m trying to apply the advice from the book The Law of Attraction, but I admit I’m struggling. I know we’re supposed to think about what we want to attract into our lives, to keep positive thoughts, and to be aware of what we say — because even the things we don’t want, we end up attracting if we focus on them.

One thing I really want to improve is thinking positively and directing my energy only toward what I want to attract, allowing myself to feel emotions only when my thoughts are positive. But I’ll be honest: it’s not easy at all. I have many negative thoughts during the day, especially at work, and especially when I’m alone and start questioning the direction of my life.

And this is where the second piece of advice comes in: at the beginning, negative thoughts are normal. They’ll always be there. What matters is becoming aware of them and trying to replace them, guiding them toward what we want to attract. It’s up to me to direct my thoughts. I’m not fully there yet, but I want to get there.

I don’t want to waste my energy on values or situations I don’t want in my life. I want to feel joy when I give attention to my thoughts. I will get there. I am strong.

Today at work wasn’t easy. Every time I step into that place, even though I try to see the positive side of everything, I ask myself why I’m still there. When I think about my job, and when I’m actually there, I feel negative emotions. The same happens with colleagues — gossiping, judging others — these are things I’m trying to avoid. Not only because I want to express kindness and goodness toward everyone, but because they create inner discomfort.

I’m trying to become the best version of myself. I can’t lose myself in these things. I want to be a good person toward everyone, without judgment and without speaking badly about others. And it’s not easy. When you’ve been used to certain behaviors for years, trying to step out of them means falling back sometimes. It takes a lot of energy to get out of this bubble, but I know I can do it.

Me, Matteo, must direct my energy toward positive things.

This afternoon I had a great running session, and I enjoyed every single moment of sweat and fatigue. This feeling is becoming addictive. Even though I run the same route every day, I love running — but I love running consciously. I love being present in what I’m doing, even smiling while I’m struggling.

Training makes me happy, and I want to congratulate myself for completing two good training sessions today.

I want to end this evening by expressing gratitude to God — for waking me up again today, for the privilege of being alive and healthy. Thank you. Thank you for my health, thank you for my family, and for the ability to eat every day.

Now I want to enjoy this evening with a good book, to dream beautiful things, and hopefully remember them tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow another workday awaits me. I’ll try to see the good in everything, not judge others, live in the present moment, and enjoy my existence and my day by expressing gratitude even for the small things.

Have a good evening, dear readers.
From Matteo and his cup of green tea.
See you tomorrow.

-Today I chose to believe in what I feel.-

Good evening, dear readers.

Today was a beautiful day, and it still is.
This morning, after my run, I sat on a bench in the park — a place I’ve now chosen as my reflection spot.

Starting today, I decided to experiment with a practice I read about in the book The Law of Attraction. Every day, I’ll dedicate 15 minutes in a quiet place, with some gentle music in the background, and I’ll close my eyes. I’ll take time to reflect on myself, but the main goal is to give space to what the book calls the creative laboratory. That inner place where we connect with our true self and our personality.

During this time, I focus on visualizing and attracting everything I want in my life. I give my mind complete freedom to imagine and ask. The rest, I leave to my inner self.

Of course, this practice also requires commitment in the present moment. You can attract what you want if your thoughts are directed there — I truly believe that — but it also requires effort, dedication, and working on your own path. And still, I believe in it. I believe in the possibility of attracting what I want.

The most interesting thing that happened during this practice was noticing how my emotions spoke for me. When I visualized things I truly want to attract, I smiled naturally. When I tried to imagine things I don’t want in my life, I was immediately filled with sadness and melancholy.

So for 15 minutes, I focused only on what I want to attract — physically, emotionally, emotionally connected to others, and also professionally and athletically. When the practice ended and I opened my eyes, it felt beautiful. I felt a sense of lightness coming from inside me. I took a few deep breaths and started walking home.

The most beautiful moment was stopping to enjoy the sun. A ray of sunlight was passing between two trees, and I stood there smiling, letting it warm my face.

Throughout the day, I moved through my routine with calm and a smile. I ran mindfully. I truly enjoyed my run this morning. My only focus was listening to my body, regulating my breath, and being aware of my body in motion.

I’m loving running more and more. I’m developing a real obsession with this sport. It’s giving me so much, and I’m finally allowing myself to receive it fully.

After training, I decided to change my look, almost as if I wanted to remove a mask, a costume. I shaved my mustache, which I hadn’t touched since December 31st. It felt like an important step. The strangest part was when I picked up the scissors and started cutting my hair. I had never done anything like that before, but today I felt the need to let go of a small version of myself.

That simple act made the day feel even more meaningful, even though I didn’t do anything particularly demanding. I’m grateful for how I spent this day.

There’s only one thing I need to be honest with myself about. I spent some money on clothes. I know I could have avoided it, and sometimes I really need to stop buying clothing so impulsively. I know I have consumerist tendencies.

I truly want to become a less materialistic person and learn to use what I already have. I’m writing it here, clearly: starting from my next paycheck on January 27th, I will be responsible with my money. I’ll use it only to nourish myself and for things that are truly useful, not driven by consumerism.

I believe in this. I know I can do it. From now on, before buying anything, I’ll think about it for 24 hours. If I truly need it, I’ll buy it. Otherwise, I’ll be grateful to myself for not acting impulsively.

Matteo, I believe in you.

I want to end this day by saying that tonight, once again, I was able to remember part of my dream. Just fragments this time, scattered pieces. But I decided I’ll write down everything I remember, even if it’s only small fragments. I want to train myself to remember and hold onto what happens in my mind, to give space to my subconscious. I want to access that inner strength.

Have a good evening, dear readers.
See you tomorrow.

-A week ends. I take notes.-

Good afternoon, dear readers.

Today started in the best possible way. The sky was cloudy, but I tried to make the day active anyway. As usual, I woke up at 6 and followed my morning routine. I spent some time studying the book Flow. Today there was no training or running — recovery day.

I’m not someone who usually takes recovery or rest days, because of my hyperactivity and the constant need to always be doing something, without ever stopping. But today I decided it was time. I went to the gym and didn’t train. I just loosened up my legs, did some stretching and mobility work, and nothing more.

Even though I felt like training, I did what was right: I gave myself time to rest and made recovery a priority. I want to perform at my best without getting injured.

I want to confess something. Over the past few months, I’ve never taken a real rest day. Not because I didn’t need it, but because I’ve always had a constant fear of gaining weight and I was constantly overwhelmed by guilt. I often compare myself to others, especially on social media, seeing people train every single day. And to not feel less than them, I end up trying to imitate that behavior.

Since I’ve reduced scrolling and my use of social media, this tendency has faded a bit. But today I still went to the gym, even if it was just to recover. That’s because I still haven’t fully overcome my physical insecurities. I struggle to accept myself as I am and I keep raising the bar, normalizing bodies that are often not real but catch my eye on social media.

I need to learn to accept who I am and appreciate myself for who I am now, not for the result I hope to reach someday. I can’t live in the future, constantly thinking about how I’ll look when I reach my “dream body.” I need to be grateful for who I am now and for what I’m building.

This year, I want to accept myself in every physical form I’ll be in, and most of all, I don’t want to feel guilty if I skip a workout or take a rest day during the week. I truly want to commit to this.

Today is Sunday, and I’ve decided that every weekend I’ll look at the data and reflect honestly on my week — to congratulate myself and also to question what I can improve. I want to start by saying that I’m very grateful for how this week went.

Let’s look at the positives.

Sleep: I averaged 8 hours per night, with an average sleep score of 90 measured by my Garmin. I also consistently respected my 6 a.m. alarm without struggling to get up.

Meditation: I completed a total of 50 minutes. I’ve noticed that I much prefer meditating right after waking up rather than during the day.

Reading: I finished two books and I’m currently reading two more. I’m really proud of this.

Caffeine: I significantly reduced it, drinking only 7 coffees during the week, mainly before training, giving caffeine a clear purpose.

Physically, this morning I weighed 82.25 kg. Compared to last Sunday, I lost 1.4 kg. I prioritized real food and didn’t experience any binge episodes. Yesterday, after running, I also ate a small bowl of homemade granola without thinking about calories or weighing anything. I ate mindfully, without overeating and without guilt.

Training-wise, I completed 12 hours of training, including 80 km of running. And something I’m really proud of: I tried to enjoy the process and stay as present as possible during my sessions — spoiler: I succeeded.

After years, something strange happened. For the second time, I woke up and during meditation I clearly remembered some frames from my dream. That makes two dreams remembered in a row. I honestly don’t remember the last time this happened, and it makes me really happy, especially because I was able to recall them clearly and in detail.

Now, let’s talk about the things I wasn’t proud of.

First, I need to learn to respond more calmly to my parents, and in general to other people, without taking everything so personally.

Second, I compared myself to others too often. I need to be more myself.

Another thing I need to improve is stopping myself from overthinking situations that never actually happened. Sometimes I get lost in my head, creating mental movies about things that never occurred, but still generate anger and frustration. I need to live in the present moment, without imagining things.

The last point — and maybe the most important one — is learning how to channel my energy into the right things. It’s great to have a solid routine, to train, eat well, and be disciplined. But I need to use my energy on what matters most: pursuing my goals and my purpose.

A good morning routine and less scrolling alone won’t get me there. I need resilience and consistency in doing what I love. I need to channel my energy in the right direction.

I can’t be afraid of failing and then hide behind books and journaling to avoid action. My morning routine is part of me and helps me build discipline, but I also need the courage and determination to pursue what I believe is my path. I need to bring the same discipline I apply to myself into my work and long-term goals.

I want to be an athlete, a filmmaker, and a traveler? Then I need to understand that achieving these things requires effort and consistency. I need to make the decision to focus on them. Whether I fail or not, I must give everything I have until I get what I want.

That said, I’m still happy and grateful for myself. Every day I feel like a better person. And even though there are things I still need to work on, I’ve decided to step into the game. And that alone makes me very proud of myself.

Well done, Matteo.

I wish you a good Sunday, dear readers.
See you tomorrow.

-Today felt calm, being present — and that was enough.-

Good morning, dear readers.

Today is truly a beautiful day.
As always, my routine started early this morning at 6. Today I felt more inclined to explore myself. I decided to extend my meditation to 10 minutes. They passed very quickly. I was able to calm my mind and enter a state of quiet, where I didn’t try to control my thoughts but simply let them go, letting them flow naturally. I was just observing, without holding onto anything.

For the first time in a long while, I had a dream that I can clearly remember. It feels strange, because I honestly don’t remember the last time this happened. This morning, after waking up and meditating, I was able to write down in my journal everything I could remember. What surprises me the most is that I can still recall many details even now.

The dream took place over a 24-hour time span. I want to tell it to you.

The dream was about sport, specifically running. I was taking part in a 24-hour ultra marathon. There were many competitors, most of them in teams, and I was alone, with my bag prepared with food and everything I needed. My strategy was not to walk at all, but to run very slowly for the entire race, saving everything I had for the last kilometers if needed.

I clearly remember that I teamed up with a guy I met there, and then the race started. We were running in circles, like hamsters, on a 400-meter track. I remember perfectly the moments when I stopped to rest and eat, and what’s strange is that I remember exactly what my main sources of fuel were.

Toward the end of the race, another runner from a team and I were almost tied in terms of kilometers completed in 24 hours. So we both decided to give everything we had left. It was just me, him, and a board showing the kilometers. I don’t remember anyone else around, just the two of us and time passing.

In the end, he won by just a few meters. I finished second. I clearly remember the emotion, the happiness I felt, and also a bit of frustration for coming in second.

Then I woke up. I felt relaxed, just like the past few nights. It was beautiful. I don’t remember ever recalling a dream so clearly, and that makes me happy.

I think this might be due — though I can’t say for sure — to the fact that I’m no longer spending time in front of screens before going to sleep. Instead, I’m resting my eyes by reading books and spending time with myself. Sometimes I feel a bit bored turning off my phone one hour before bed, but then I remember how valuable that time away from social media and scrolling really is, and I dedicate it with intention to one of my hobbies: reading.

I’m also continuing to study the book Flow. Diving deeper into topics related to the mind and human behavior is something I’m really enjoying. I find it fascinating to understand more and dig into what is essentially our main organ. I’m learning many things I didn’t know before, things we often don’t pay attention to. I’m not just reading it — I’m truly studying it, exploring what the psychology of optimal experience really is.

Today I kept my phone off until 8 a.m. I spent some time reading, and then I went out for a run. Today’s workout was 18 km at a 4:30 pace. If before I was scared of holding certain paces for such a long time, and filled my head with doubts about whether I was capable or not, now I’ve learned to empty my mind, put on my shoes, listen to my rhythm, and just go.

No expectations. No fears. Just staying present with what I’m doing and enjoying the process.

Time flew by. I didn’t even realize I had covered so many kilometers. When you stop complaining, stop making predictions, and stop thinking about failure, time moves differently.

Of course, during an 18 km run, some thoughts pass through my mind — that’s normal. But every time I drifted too far, I reminded myself to let those thoughts go and return to the present. I looked around, slowed down internally, and allowed myself to smile at the things that made me feel happy.

I’ve noticed that since I’ve become calmer, since I wander less into the future or the past, I smile more. I’m also trying not to get angry and not to waste my energy on situations that don’t deserve it, choosing instead to channel it toward what truly matters to me.

I’m very happy with how this day started. Even though today I have a work shift from 2 p.m. to 10 p.m., I’ll try to find something positive in it, without complaining about how much time work takes away from me or how boring it feels, knowing it’s not what I want to do in life.

I want to see things for what they are, with objectivity and positivity. I’ll try to stay present even during my work shift, without hiding behind repressed feelings toward the job I’m doing. After all, if I’m still here, it’s no one’s fault but mine and the decisions I’ve made to stay for now. When I’m ready, it will be time to make my choices.

I wish you a good day, dear readers.
See you tomorrow.

-Some days are grey. But today, I learned how much peace lives in being present.-

Good evening, dear readers.

Today was grey, just like the last two days, but my mood wasn’t the same.
I feel happy. I feel grateful for who I am and for who I’m trying to become.

As you can see from the cover, this has been my setup for the past ten days. I have to admit that this mug has become something special to me. Making a bottle of tea before sitting down to write has slowly turned into my mantra.

I started my morning gently. I did a breathing meditation, wrote my journal page, and read a letter from a Stoic. Today, partly because I wanted to and partly because I didn’t feel the need, I left my phone turned off from 6 to 9 a.m. I chose to focus on what felt like a real priority. I’m learning to put myself first.

Lately, my sleep rating has been going up a lot. This morning it was 92, and I could feel it as soon as I woke up. I wasn’t tired. I felt ready to fully welcome everything good this day could give me.

If I’m writing Day 10 now, it’s because my creative energy and my inner dialogue showed up in the late afternoon.

For most of my life, I lived stuck in the past, thinking about mistakes, replaying moments where I wish I had acted differently. Or I lived in the future, thinking about things I wanted to fix or change. My life slowly took a bad direction. How could I ever be happy if I wasn’t able to live in the present?

Only now I’m starting to understand that the only moment we really have control over is now.
Right now is the only place where happiness exists.

We almost never pay attention to what we do during the day. We never congratulate ourselves for small things. Instead, we complain about how bad our life is, how much we want to change it, how unhappy we feel.

We need to learn how to live the present moment. Today, I think I managed to do that.

For the first time in years, I realized that happiness isn’t about the place we’re in or the place we’re trying to escape to. Happiness comes from making peace with ourselves and learning to appreciate what we do every day.

This morning I started a new book called Flow, about the psychology of optimal experience. It’s opening my mind and putting me face to face with things I never really considered. Reading is becoming something I truly enjoy. What I learn makes me feel like my mind is growing day by day.

Today I want to open up again and talk about something I’ve been carrying for a long time. That thing is consumerism.

Yes, I’m a very consumerist person. For years I tried to cover my sadness and insecurities with material things. Over time, I collected many objects that made me feel good for a moment, but later I understood they were just distractions.

What hurts the most is realizing that I often bought things thinking they would help me start something new. One example says it all. For a long time, I told myself I wasn’t creating content because I didn’t have the right equipment, because I didn’t have the right camera. I would buy something new, and right after that I would find another excuse not to start.

I was hiding my insecurities behind objects, hoping they would give me motivation. But they never did.

Now I have to face myself. I don’t want to hide my feelings behind material things anymore. I don’t blame myself. I just want to be aware of it and improve. I don’t want to be a consumerist person. I want to feel my emotions, understand where they come from, and deal with them without needing objects to fill the void.

This habit always left me with a heavy weight on my shoulders: fears, doubts, and insecurities that I never really solved.

Only now I understand that the real reason I never started posting on social media was my insecurity. I didn’t feel good enough. I didn’t feel attractive enough. I was scared of failing.

This phase of my life is helping me face emotions I’ve pushed away for years.

I’m really grateful I started this 75-day challenge. The rush and excitement of “finishing it” is slowly fading. What’s replacing it is something better: enjoying each day without pressure, without rules.

It’s no longer about completing a challenge. It’s about building a better version of myself, facing my inner conflicts, and finding my path.

After years of carrying this inside me, I decided to say enough and finally face the resistance that kept pulling me back into what I thought was my safe place. I now understand that I’m more than that. I don’t want to sit and watch life go by. I want to be the protagonist. I want to create my own story and live it in my own way.

What I’m most proud of is how I’m living right now. I’m learning to value the journey more than the result.

Yes, I’ve always been obsessed with finding my purpose, my ikigai. But that obsession is slowly calming down. I know I’ll find it, but I want to enjoy the process first.

It doesn’t make sense to spend every day asking ourselves what our purpose is if we’re not even working on who we want to become.

I need to stop focusing on the fact that I don’t fully know who I am yet, and start working on what feels closest to me.

Sometimes I spend more time thinking about my path than actually walking it.

So today I ask myself:
Am I really willing to struggle, to work hard, to reach my goals?

I don’t want to answer that now. I want to give myself time.

For today, I’m happy with how the day went. I’m putting myself first. I’m learning to enjoy the process instead of the outcome. And I’m learning to feel gratitude and love for the person I am becoming.

Good evening, dear readers.
See you tomorrow.