-Some days feel grey.
But even in the grey, growth is happening — quietly, patiently, during the process.-

Today feels grey.
The day is grey, and my mood feels grey too — a little flat, a little numb.

I used Instagram a bit more than usual today, about 38 minutes, considering that in the past few days my social media time was under 20 minutes. It wasn’t compulsive scrolling, though. It was more of a general clean-up of the people I follow.

I know, I know — unfollowing people doesn’t feel nice. But I only want to follow people who inspire me, who have something meaningful to share. I want to take only the best from what I consume, especially things that align with my interests. I love seeing photos and videos from photographers, I love storytelling, and I love people who travel and do sports. In short, people who reflect my mood.

Even if today my mood is grey and not very inspired, I’m happy with how my training week is going. I finished a really good workout.

Usually, people talk about the pleasure you feel after finishing a workout — the happiness, the lightness you feel after a run or a training session. But lately, I’ve started to feel pleasure during the activity. And I truly believe that, just like in running — and especially in life — the real value isn’t the reward you get at the end. Real happiness, real purpose, comes from finding meaning during the process.

The pleasure of enjoying the process.
The pleasure of feeling gratitude toward yourself while doing something you genuinely care about.

I used to think that the real benefit only came after finishing something. But over the past two weeks, something has shifted. Enjoying the effort while it’s happening — simply living that moment — brings me far more happiness than the “after.”

This connects deeply to life. So often, we can’t wait to reach our goals. We struggle, we push ourselves, and once we finally get there, we immediately start chasing something else — without ever stopping to appreciate who we are or what we’ve achieved.

That’s the point I want to sit with today: only allowing ourselves to feel joy once we’ve reached something, instead of finding joy while we’re pursuing it. We should feel pleasure while we’re doing the work, not only when it’s done.

We’re losing the entire meaning of the process by focusing only on the final outcome, ignoring all the effort, all the happiness that exists during the journey.

I feel closer and closer to understanding what I want from life. Starting this challenge has helped me see who I really am, and I’m improving in many ways. I’ve brought out parts of myself that I had buried and avoided for a long time.

Only nine days have passed, but the more I continue, the more I realize that at the beginning my goal was simply to complete the 75 days perfectly and say, “I did it, I’m happy.” Now, it’s about becoming part of the process. Enjoying the routine I’m building. Choosing reading instead of escaping into social media. No longer feeling the need to prove anything to others just to show off.

If I post on social media, it will only be to share something that reflects my values — not to create envy, not to prove I’m better, not to show off. I just want to be myself.

Who am I?
I ask myself that often, and I struggle to find an answer. But I’m not putting pressure on myself to define it. I just know that I want to enjoy my process, discover who I am day by day, without comparing myself to others, without feeling inadequate, without constantly being in competition.

I’m proud of myself. Little by little, I’m learning to stop comparing myself to others. I’m not competing with anyone — not even with myself. How could I compete with a previous version of me?

At the same time, I’m focusing on the process. I won’t deny that there are dark moments when all I want to do is lie on the couch, watch YouTube, and scroll on social media. But right now, my mind is stronger than the impulse that Resistance tries to impose on me.

I am stronger.
I may have moments of sadness or melancholy, but I will never let you win.

The only competition I feel exists is against Resistance itself. I spent years surrendering to you — years where I drowned my sadness in junk food and compulsive scrolling on TikTok and Instagram, spending eight or nine hours a day in front of a screen. That time is over.

I’ve decided to be stronger than you. Even though you keep trying to pull me back into procrastination and comfort, I’m taking control.

Writing this gave me the shivers. I have tears in my eyes as I write these words. I’m tired of giving my life away to activities that drain me and give me nothing but temporary comfort.

I want to live at 101%.
I want to live my passions.
Create. Create. Create.

I want to explore every hidden corner of this world, experience the strangest things, taste unique foods, and immerse myself in different cultures. I want to document my life and share something meaningful with those who watch me — not envy, not power, not false strength, but joy, emotion, and motivation.

Not a toxic motivation — but the kind of spark that lights the flame already inside you. The one that pushes you to pursue what you were born for, what your inner child has been trying to tell you all along.

Life is too short to live someone else’s dream.
We are more than that.
We are free, free to choose what to do, where to live, and how to live.

We need to let go of the idea that we “can’t make it.”
We are free.
The thin line between wanting something and being able to achieve it is the determination you put into action.

You know you’ve found your path when you’re obsessed with doing that thing, when you can’t wait to start, when hours pass without you feeling tired. You need to find your purpose. Start living.

I don’t want to feel behind anyone. We all have our own timing. Rushing leads nowhere.

Even though I spent years hiding my fears, doubts, and sadness in food and behind a screen, I don’t blame myself. Everyone has their own pace. Don’t be angry with yourself.

I know I still have many scattered and unclear ideas. I don’t know exactly what to pursue or how. But just being here, talking about it, gives me a sense of freedom that’s priceless.

I’m tired of chasing someone else’s dream or living according to what others think is right for me. I want to break out of the ordinary and live by my own standards, doing what I love, wherever I am in the world. I want to discover, explore, and document.

Life is too short to waste it doing something that doesn’t represent us. We need the courage to stand up and shatter this comfort bubble that surrounds us.

At the same time, I know that making decisions matters. I need time, yes but I must change what doesn’t feel right. I have to stop setting dates and constantly postponing the things that make me unhappy or don’t represent me. I need the strength to decide.

No more procrastinating decisions.

The truth is, I don’t feel ready yet to make the decision I know I want to make. I think about it, overthink it, and feel empty. I’ve never been good at choosing. I’ve always let others decide, always settled. I can barely choose what to eat when I go out — let alone make life-changing decisions.

I know this is something I need to work on, and I trust that I will. I want to become someone who can make firm decisions. I want to live by my own standards, my ideals, and my passions.

I don’t want to live as a spectator. I want to live as the protagonist of my life. I want to leave something behind that I’m proud of — something that tells my story and maybe inspires future generations.

I will find my purpose, and I will pursue it with everything I have. And when I find it, I want to help others who are going through what I’ve been through.

I will no longer give space in my life to activities that drain me, that don’t reflect who I am, that keep me trapped in comfort.

I want to start living.

Today, I deleted the calorie-counting app. I no longer want to base my life or my food choices on numbers. I want to see food as something to enjoy — something that nourishes both my body and my mind.

I’ve suffered a lot over the years. First, it was about my physical appearance — my hips, my stomach, all the parts of myself I couldn’t accept. After overcoming those insecurities and building a new version of myself, lean and defined, another form of suffering appeared: food control, extreme deficits, binge eating driven by stress and sadness.

Now, I want to close this chapter. I deleted the app. I follow a healthy, balanced diet to nourish my body and mind. I avoid junk food, but I also allow myself to fully enjoy life — trying new foods, eating out, without guilt, without hiding, without bingeing afterward.

I don’t want to erase this part of me. I want to look at it without judgment — only with gratitude for the person I’m becoming.

I want to travel, go out for dinner, and fully enjoy the moment. Taste food slowly. Feel grateful for the sensations it gives me.

I want to find my balance.

One of the main rules of my 75-day challenge was no junk food, and that used to make me anxious. I used to think, “I can’t wait for these 75 days to be over so I can eat a burger.” But my mind is changing. That thought is gone. Fast food doesn’t excite me anymore.

Now I find pleasure in real food — even something as simple as a bowl of ramen — in discovering new sensations and letting food speak to me. I no longer see eating out as “cheating.” There is no good food or bad food — only food that drains you, like ultra-processed sugars, and real food.

I can’t help but feel grateful for the person I’m becoming.

I’ve always loved food, but for a long time it was a refuge for my insecurities. Now I’m learning that what I truly love is not eating to compensate — but eating to experience, to share moments, to connect.

I wish you a good day, dear readers.
See you tomorrow.