-After long day, sometimes all you need is a dark room, a screen, and a story.-

Good afternoon dear readers, and happy Friday.
Today I promised myself that I would try to be as happy as possible, to use my time well, and to somehow look for the positive side of things. And honestly, I have to admit it: time at work, even if it was heavy, passed very quickly. I didn’t live it with anger or resentment toward others, and not even toward myself. I simply tried to stay in the moment.

Of course, I won’t deny it — thoughts still wander through my head — but I’m trying to give them the right weight. Today I faced the day in a calmer way. Was it my approach that changed, or simply the fact that tomorrow I don’t work and can finally rest? I guess we’ll find out on Monday. For now, another workday is over.

Even if the workload isn’t intense, it creates a deep physical and mental tiredness. Every time I leave that place, I feel drained, without energy or motivation to complete all the things waiting for me. Still, this week I held on. It wasn’t easy. There were more bad days than good ones. I carried a lot of suppressed anger and resentment inside my body, so strong that it blurred my view of reality.

I felt regret, sadness, and even anger toward myself and others. I want to change the way I look at work. I know — deeply — that this is not the job made for me, and that I constantly feel trapped. But if I only focus on the negative sides, my mental endurance collapses. It becomes unbearable.

Trying to face work from a different perspective might help me reduce stress and protect my mental energy, so I can focus on my projects instead. Being more relaxed would mean fewer negative thoughts invading my mind, fewer dark mental movies that drain everything positive inside me. So yes, I want to face this situation in a more constructive and calm way. I don’t want to spend my days drowning in negative and heavy thoughts anymore.

Yesterday, in the end, I let myself go. I ate the cake for my mom’s birthday. I wanted to make her happy. I didn’t eat pizza, but I shared the dessert with her. I’m happy I did that. It felt like a small victory against my eating disorder. One point for me. I’m proud of that.

I just came back from a 13 km run. Physically, I’m tired. Mentally, I feel strong enough to run for an hour without major problems. I’m running without music lately. I’m trying to listen to my body, to stay with my thoughts, and to enjoy the present moment. Music helps during long runs, that’s true, but I really enjoy listening to my breath and my body. It almost feels like meditation. Focusing on breathing in and out, emptying my mind, and staying in the moment without drifting too far.

Yesterday, after my run, I felt some pain in my calf. After oil and massage, I thought it was gone, but today my legs were still stiff, and at the end of the run I felt some tension again. I booked a physiotherapy session. It’s an expense, but I prefer to invest in my health, take care of pain early, and run peacefully instead of ignoring it until it becomes something worse. Prevention is better than cure.

Tomorrow I don’t work, but a 20 km run is waiting for me. A tough session, for sure. But like everything else, it can be overcome. Honestly, after this dark week full of emotional repression, tomorrow’s run feels like the least difficult challenge I’ll face.

Today I feel good. In one hour I’ll be at the cinema with Thomas, watching a movie. It’s been a long time since I last went to the cinema, and tonight I really want to enjoy it. I’ve been waiting almost a month for the release of Marty Supreme, and I’m genuinely excited. When I saw the trailer, I immediately loved it, and I promised myself I would go see it as soon as it came out. Today is that day.

What also makes me happy is sharing time with a friend, talking, laughing, and enjoying a simple moment together. Despite the tiredness, I can’t wait to sit in that chair and enjoy the evening.

Tomorrow I’ll tell you how the movie was.
Have a good evening, dear readers. See you tomorrow.